Let’s touch base about life and the state of it, shall we? In the spirit of the annual meeting they just had at work for the trustee’s, let’s take stock of the things we wanted to accomplish, what we’ve done (and not done) thus far. And perhaps where we’d like to go from here.
It’s the month of October. This is a time for DO ALL THE THINGS. There are haunted houses to go to, parties, and concerts. I need to plan costumes, and map out all the activities on the calendar. Here, briefly, is my attempt to organize the chaos that is in my head regarding the matter:
October 13th, Zombie Walk – It’s in a new location, not Downtown this year. I still plan on going. I don’t think I’m going for an elaborate costume. I’ll just generally be dead, maybe with a wig. My friend Don is coming with me, and will likely be livestreaming some part of the festivities. I’ll try to get some good photos as well, for a recap. There is the possibility of a haunted house afterwards, but I make no promises on this one.
Concerts: I believe I’m going to see My Life With The Thrill Kill Cult on the 22nd and Morrissey on the 23rd, and I just found out that Everclear and Eve 6 are coming on the 30th, so I picked up a ticket for that.
There are likely to be 2 parties. I won’t mention dates or locations, just because you never know who is reading a public blog. But I have them in mind because I have to think about costumes. Also I need costume for work. For work, I’m pretty sure I’m just going to be Velma from Scooby Doo. I have the sweater (currently wearing, actually) and the skirt. I need socks, Mary Janes, and a wig. I have a wig that will do, but I’d like to get one closer to the actual character. My wig is black and she is more of a brunette. There is discussion of my going as Louis Tully (Rick Moranis) for another party because the roomie is going as Dana and her date will be going as Venkman. Strangely enough, I think I’m perfectly suited for this character.
It’s an older picture, but I think you see the point. I’ll post about ideas and progress as things develop.
I started in August saying I wanted to take some time to complete projects I had started, and I’m sad to say I haven’t. My ability to finish what I start is still lacking. I haven’t finished that painting or any of my textile work. I haven’t converted any more of my tapes. I haven’t read anything, really. I crapped out of the 30 days of lists challenge. I tried a manicure the other day that failed, miserably. I haven’t been playing as much softball and haven’t made any exercise substitutions. Those are my failures. I’m trying not to be too hard on myself about it.
Going forward, I have plans for others to try and colors to “swatch” (as I’m learning the “nail bloggers” do). I’m doing a 30 Days of Photos Challenge. I’m thinking of making a “reading list” and using the reading app on my phone. I’ve started Christmas shopping already, because I’m that jerk that likes to be done by the end of November. I’m also getting an awesome handmade tutu for my niece for her birthday from a friend (niece’s birthday is on the 20th). I’ve been playing around with Pinterest, and definitely getting some ideas from it. I’m still debating about my nephew’s birthday, the day after Christmas, and what I want to do. I will try my best to never do “combo” presents for him, at least not while he is little, unless it was a really cool idea.
New Year’s will come up soon, and with it a renewal of my determination. A new attempt to maintain focus. I want to do something to move forward. I squawked all this talk about putting myself first and figuring out my life alone, but so far I’ve really just continued to drift and let myself be pulled along by the urgency of other’s needs. Habits are hard to break. I have poor time management skills and little willpower.
But I need to not focus on my negative attributes and keep trying to use my strength to build into bigger and better things. Whatever I finally zone in on when I learn to pick something, I will go at it like Rocky on those stairs, Eye of The Tiger and all. Or maybe more Karate Kid, “You’re The Best Around” style. Insert your favorite video montage of awesome here, I suppose. Regardless, I cannot and will not let my dysthymia and my low self esteem make me any less than the incredible vision that I have for myself. You don’t get awesome by moping around about not being awesome. And beating myself up about the negatives of my present moment denies me enjoying how fantastic I am. I do believe in faking it until you make it, but I’ll never literally be guilty of hubris. I just need to start, at the beginning, with one foot in front of the other, working toward being better, whatever that means at the moment. Eye on the prize and all that.
And lastly, I appreciate anyone who is hanging in there with me. Whether blogs indulge our vanity is a topic for another day, but those who care enough to read my posts and maybe feel inspired to try something or motivated to comment, it means a lot to me. I hope I dole out all the love I get and you all feel it, too. If you ever have any ideas, or anything you’d like to see a post about, please feel free to reach out to me. I’m still feeling out my direction and I’d love to know what a passerby might see. We only know ourselves from one perspective.
Here’s to the horizon and what lies beyond, kids…