I’ve been thinking about it, because it’s something I struggle with daily. Concentration, staying focused, and moving quickly. I’m not good at these things. On average, on the whole, I move slowly, plodding along really. No matter how I try to tell myself to hustle or skip this or that step, my morning routine always seems to take about the same amount of time. Once upon a time, I used to lay out clothes, shower the night before, and pack the lunch before bed. But these days, I’m too lazy to bother with that kind of preparation. 

I wonder to myself how “motivated people” do it. To them it must all seem so simple, you just do it, right? What you want to do, you get up go over there and do it. But the procrastination techniques are so subliminal within me that I defeat myself before I start. I’ve read tips on the internet with things like: “Wear your work out clothes to bed, and then you’ll be able to just get up and go running!” But they have no idea what a snooze button ninja I am. I have done it so half asleep that I didn’t even realize I did it for over an hour. Even if the alarm is on my phone, which makes the most annoying alarm sound known to man. 

Sometimes it is like my body is so very heavy, like being at the bottom of a deep, cool, pool of water, and swimming my way to the surface feels like an epic task. 

Sometimes the only thing that makes me move is some sort of responsibility. I promised this person I’d be here or go to this thing. Every fiber of my being will beg until the last minute to cancel the plan, make up some excuse like the infamous “stomach bug” (no one questions diarrhea), or be frankly honest and just say I’m not going. There are times I give into this urge, and times that I triumph against my innate desire. This weekend was kind of one of those “I have to do it” situations. It ended up being a great weekend, really, once I got the ball rolling. And I did have the realization that I wouldn’t have had those experiences if I gave in to my urge to sleep the entire day away. I do try to remember things like this. At times when my anxiety is overwhelming, I try to remind myself that usually once said dreaded event is over and past, it usually ends up feeling trivial. Why did I waste time in my life with the gnashing of teeth and the stomach cramps for this?

Of course that doesn’t always work. You can’t actually predict the future, and I know it. I read an article on willpower that said you can increase it by doing things like using the opposite hand for periods of time. Maybe for a while I convinced myself that it helped, whether or not it actually did. I’ve started using that brain training website that is advertised heavily (some of the games are free). Results are as of yet undefinable. 

I also have fits of hyper productivity. These tend to get hampered by catching up on all the things that have brushed aside by my procrastination, or by attempting to reign in the mess that accrues due to not organizing as you go. To go above and beyond these menial tasks into the realm of creativity may seem impossible some days. Believe it or not, I never lack for ideas. For every one thing you see me get accomplished from beginning to end, never doubt that there are 6 or 7 more ideas that I will either start and not finish, or abandon because there is already to much incomplete or competing for its time. 

Still, today I count more or less in the success column, because I did a blog post on time. I completed my work tasks. I am going to make it to kick ball. 

So I guess motivation is a constant struggle, at least for persons like myself. Like a wheel that keeps grinding, or a cycle with an up and a down. On the ball or off. If I ever find the key to it, I’ll certainly let everyone in on the discovery.


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