How do you memorize the intangible smell of your lover? The soft alkaline smell of another human’s skin. Arms that wrap all the way around you, and hold you tight. The sound of his heart like a drum, beating a cacophony for you. His smile makes you light up. And when you’re laying in bed, the sound of his voice in the other room is a comfort. I slept soundly on the first night. That’s not me, used to my space, alone, pinned between 2 cats. I didn’t even have any qualms about being held all night. In the morning I felt warm sunlight on my face and I knew that he was there.

This week is the first week without a safety net. The bottom has fallen out from underneath me. I’ve always been a creative person, but it’s never been my 9-5 income. Now I am without a “day job”. I feel like I have no direction at the moment.

But he says I have refuge. A safe place. When we’re together it’s a strange suspension in the time/space continuum. In the bubble it seems timeless. But the hours, in fact, fly by. When I am with him, my burden is lessened. And for that, I am infinitely thankful.

I’m fortunate. I am loved. I have a support network of friends who have reached out with comfort and concern. I can’t tell them enough how beautiful they all are. I can’t tell them how much I admire them, love them, and respect them.

So onward into the future, though I can’t see beyond the next couple days. More snow and cold is coming, if you listen to the news. But I know that I’ll be alright. I’ll survive.


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