Oh geez, day 2 is a photo of me. I meant to take a photo of me when I was dressed for work because I had on a new denim-looking shirt and my long skirt that has the brown suede diamond pattern with my boots and cute Modcloth earrings with the little birds on them… But I’m in “house clothes” now, as your grandmother might say.
So I guess I’ll go poking around the archives of my laptop and Facebook. Oh, here’s one for you!
What? Too far back? (I’m the one on the left, by the way.) Fine then. How about this?
That’s my older brother, Gordon, in both photos.This photo was before he got a toy car stuck in my hair and my mother had to fashion it into a bowl cut, which made people think we were twins. It was just us for the first 9 years of my life. And then my other brother Daniel was born.
Daniel is the blonde on the right, werkin’ that Simpson’s T shirt. Can you possibly believe that I thought I was fat? Like I never remember not actually feeling chubby, despite whatever size my clothes might have been. I could kick myself when I see how then I actually was, back then.
Also note how I am rocking that black dare T shirt wit the blue shorts. Fashion daredevil at an early age. Just like this gem.
Werk that bitch flip, gurl! Oh and that ring on my finger, it is also a watch. Yeah, I’m just cool like that. I remember this field trip I had my period and couldn’t ride any of the water rides, because I didn’t use tampons then. Also, it was kind of cold, so I didn’t miss out.
Speaking of epic hair…
9th grade: big hair, yellow turtle neck, and some muthafuckin’ MOM JEANS. I know you hatin’.
I’m going to venture the guess that this was also 9th grade, because I have started to grow out my bangs but haven’t started the barrage of hair colors yet. (We’ll get to that shortly.) Personally, I think I look like a reject from an early 90’s hip hop video here. But note the checkered shirt with floral overlay, I was mixing patterns way before it was cool.
Once we get into 10 grade, I start color my hair like a goddamned fool. I was blonde…
I was a red head-
It was like a gateway drug, I was involved with Manic Panic by the time 11th grade came around…
(Do not adjust your screen, by hair was actually that red color you see above.)
This Polaroid, in which my hair, sweater, and lips are all various shades of violet/purple and basically match won me “Weirdest Senior” at an my visual and performing arts high school.. Let that sink in a minute. I won the award for biggest weirdo at the art school. I’m actually pretty goddamn proud of that one.
Eventually, you know we had to come to blue-black…
These are my prom photos, for the record. For years I had wanted to go with a boy in a dress, but I didn’t have a boyfriend, so I went with my best friend. We look like a cute, little, Italian couple headed to a funeral, but I have to say I don’t regret not wearing heels one bit.
Yes, I loved to “push the envelope”. Ah, so young, so rebellious. Like the time we made a fake penis from a stuffed nylon and spray paint and walked around the halls with it hanging out of our pants.
In this photo, I am admiring the penis, but I assure you I had my turn wearing it as well. (Also, I still have and occasionally wear that sweater. It was the first one I ever bought at a thrift store. It’s slightly itchy and has a genuine worn in thumb hole, and I won’t get rid of it until it dies of natural causes.)
And look, just because you stuck around through all of these shenanigans? I’m going to give you the bonus round. (Looks left, then right.) Look, don’t tell anyone I did this. I’m not proud of this period of my life, but it’s real and it happened…
… I was a Juggalette. I went to shows, I have CDs… I even went to see the ICP wrestling. And I’ll still tell you that Stranglemania (which I have on VHS, thank you very much) is one of the funniest things I’ve seen. If you like extreme Japanese wrestling and old American wrestlers covered in thumbtacks. Hey, I’m better these days, but I still regret nothing. Tell me you didn’t have one period of time that you don’t look upon with true, genuine, embarrassment, and I shall call you a liar, good sir. So let’s all agree to never speak of it again, shall we?
Well, this was fun and educational, wasn’t it? I feel like I opened up and got to know me just a little bit more… than I probably wanted to. All kidding aside, I think old pictures are kind of awesome. I hope you found it as entertaining as I did.
If you were entertained, share an old embarrassing picture of yourself in the comments so we can have a good laugh together. Quid pro quo, Clarice….