#LoveMe Challenge: Day 23

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What is your best feature?

In typical fashion, I think I have lovely eyes. I like that they are green/brown hazel, and sometimes people suddenly realize that they aren’t just brown.

My most interesting feature might be my nose. I was teased for a long time for having a big nose, but I’ve actually come to find it an interesting feature. It is distinguishing, and I wouldn’t want to alter it. It only took 30-something years to get to this point, but I’m glad I did.

#LoveMe Challenge: Day 22

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What makes you unique?

Honestly, this is something I struggle with. Every human walks around with the hubris inherent in the system of narcissism that we’re taught pretty much from birth. “You are a special little flower.” To a certain extent, the combination of genetics, experiences, and preferences that make up your identity are probably quite difficult to reproduce exactly. In a way, most of us actually are little snowflakes.

So what makes me “unique”? My octopus collection goes beyond jewelry into items as unusual as a big ass shower curtain. I have 4 Polaroid cameras, so I guess that’s officially a collection as well. I have a lot of craft stuff. Like a controlled amount, just on the rational side of hoarder. I can recite Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, UHF, and Kung Pow pretty much line by line. I’ve seen a lot of concerts and shows. I went to a Creative and Performing Arts High School. I’m a very awkward human, but I’m pretty good at getting people to laugh. I know a lot of trivia about conspiracy theories, religion, and The Masons.

Otherwise, I guess most of it would be the combination that makes me who I am. But I don’t really think I’d want to be actually be someone else. Maybe have their life, in so much as to have their resources, or not have some of the challenges that I live with. Otherwise, I’m pretty content. It could be better, but it also isn’t that bad.

#LoveMe Challenge: Day 4

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Name someone who loves me?

Just one? I mean, what do I quantify and bestow that mantle on? First would have to be my mother who would give up a kidney for me if she had to, and has always had my back. But I have a number of good friends, virtually family, who I know down to my toes, they love me.

My roommate has known me since high school, and we’ve been through the shit and the shenanigans. Xavier and I can communicate with a look. Steve has seen me at my best and my worst for a very long time and he still loves me. I don’t know how I would have moved, or had my birthday party, or gone to that charity prom function, or gone swing dancing without Eric. Laney is definitely a partner in crime, and snacking, mostly snacking, and plenty of heart to hearts, with a sprinkle of high jinx. And TJ loves me probably the most unconditionally I’ve ever had a lover capable of being, with a weird twin-speak understanding starting to form between us.

Wait a minute, you sneaky 30 Day Challenge you… I’m supposed to say “myself” aren’t I? I mean, that’s the point, right? Okay, I do TRY to love myself, but it’s usually a touch and go situation. I suppose in the truest sense I do “love” myself. Like, I do actually want the best for me, even if I am my own saboteur. I’m just not always patient and kind to myself.

How about my cats? They love me unconditionally. Well, with the acceptable caveat that they are fed. I don’t blame them, they don’t have thumbs. But this does not explain away all the cuddles and the snuggles, the hanging out with me in the room. I have to remind myself that for these little vomit and shit machines, that I am their world, I am their sunshine. Both the sun and the moon shine out of my ass, as far as their concerned. I am their entertainment. I am their “social network”. Renfield is definitely a total Momma’s boy. He’s very social, but he’ll generally prefer my company, if the choice is available. Pork as well, despite how I lovingly tease her, you’d think she’d shit on my pillow every day like a hotel mint, but she doesn’t. Thankfully.

So my life is pretty rich with love. I count it among my assets, to tell you the truth, to have this strong a network of people that care about me. It is one of the things I remind myself of when I am feeling down. If this many people think I’m groovy, I must be pretty damn groovy.

Space

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When you are alone:
you have the right to take up space.
You do not have to apologize for existing.
It's okay to dance, 
if you feel like dancing.
Close your eyes
and listen to the music.
Your existence is validated
by your own measure. 
You don't have to compare and contrast 
yourself to the others around you. 
You are just fine, 
simple dress down casual "you".
Learning to accept your worth
comes in fits and pieces. 
When you learn to genuinely fit
inside your own skin,
the world is an interesting place. 
You have every right to smile if you're happy
and to laugh if it's funny.
Your life, your story, your day
your journey
is just as interesting as anyone else's.

#LoveMe Challenge

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(Feel free to play at home!)

Day 1: I am participating, first of all, because like just about everyone, I suffer from some seriously heinous self-esteem issues. I am actively learning to love myself, despite my own negative messaging. I take umbrage with my aging, feeling like I’ve lost any kind of “cool” factor that I may have ever had. All the while learning to not just embrace, but celebrate the nerd I have always been. I waffle between the feelings in casual conversation when I meet new people, that I am about as interesting as the local paper you line the bird cage with, to times when I feel that I do have interesting stories to share. I know my life is worth something. I know that I have something to say. I have stories that are funny and endearing. I am a collection of experiences and preferences, a little from each person I love and a little from the ether. 

I want to walk away from this feeling like I contributed in a healthy way. I want to feel like I opened up without censorship, and let a little of the wall down. I hope we’re both ready for that… 😉